I am still. My eyes are
closed. I see nothing. Motionless. I hear nothing but my heartbeat.
A rhythmic pulse, my beating heart,
reminding me that I’m alive, that I’m awake.
Attention is drawn to my breath.
Air filling my lungs, my chest expanding, reminding me that I’m alive,
that I’m awake. I try to move ahead. But
I cannot.
I am still. My eyes are opened. I am standing. Motionless. I see a path ahead. Images ahead which I cannot recognize. A collection
of color, of light, of dark. I feel a calling.
From the path itself or what’s down the path, I cannot tell which, but
know I must go. Forward, into the
unknown. I try to move ahead. But I cannot.
I am still. I raise
my hands. Palms faced forward. Motionless.
I feel a barrier which I cannot see.
Like a glass wall. Clear yet solid. I feel the coldness of the
barrier. Like an ice wall. Frozen and
numb. I try to move ahead. But I cannot.
I am still. My will
is there. I lack momentum. Motionless. I
feel the space behind me. I dread adding more. Moving me away, from what I’ve
known, what I lived. A swarm of memories
buzz behind me. Warm feelings embrace me, my heart aches, reminding me that
I’ve lived, that I’ve loved. I try to
move ahead. But I cannot.
I am still. A happy
life lays behind me. I fear its distance. Motionless. I ache to be in its midst. I
don’t want it to fade. Nor be forgotten,
not honored, or erased. The love behind me had changed me. It ignited a yearning, a desire for intimacy,
for partnership, showed me what love is. I try to move ahead. But I cannot.
I am still. I sit in
limbo. I cannot move. Motionless.
I cannot stay where I am. I need
to feel alive. To live with purpose. I
feel the coldness of the barrier. Like an ice wall. I want it gone. I try to move ahead. But I cannot.
I am still. I feel
loneliness. I’m at a crossroads. Motionless.
I am vulnerable and weak. I wish
to go back to him, to us. It isn’t
possible, as he is gone, and he rests in peace.
I know he’ll remain in my heart, and in my memories. I must continue to live, to move forward, I’m
still alive, I am awake. I try to move
ahead. But I cannot.
I am still. Processing
my emotions. I am building strength.
Motionless. Until I can move forward. I will then welcome the unknown. There will be room in my heart to live, to experience,
to feel. To embrace the vibrancy of life. The past will not be unwritten, love will be remembered,
memories will be sustained, experience will make me strong. I will move ahead. I know I can.
I am still. I will
raise my hands. Palms faced forward.
Motionless. I will break the barrier which I cannot see. Shatter like glass. Clear yet broken. I will feel the warmth from my
surroundings. Like a breath of fresh
air. I will move ahead. I will succeed.
